


Complicated

by PepperSpicedLatte



Category: Versailles (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, But Chevy makes it better, Character Study, Healthy Relationships, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Philippe is sad (when isn’t he)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-26
Updated: 2019-05-26
Packaged: 2020-03-19 15:50:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18973063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PepperSpicedLatte/pseuds/PepperSpicedLatte
Summary: Philippe’s relationship with sex has always been complicated and something he’s never admitted to anyone.





	Complicated

Unbeknownst to most, Philippe had a complicated relationship with sex. He loved it, there was no denying that but that didn’t mean he was free from the negative effects it could have on somebody. He wasn’t new to it by any means, had tried just about everything he was comfortable doing (even things he had been uncomfortable with) and had found through that what he preferred and how to please. 

Jules had been his first though it seemed like the boy his age hadn’t had much of a say in the matter. Philippe hadn’t known that at the time and wouldn’t know for about six months after they had first slept together. He told himself if he had known things would have been different. The prince wouldn’t have let Jules take him, not because he didn’t want him too but because he didn’t want to force him into something he hadn’t completely wanted. It turned out however that the boy had fallen completely in love with him, and though Philippe had thought he felt the same he realised some time later that it was simply infatuation and not love. No two fifteen year old boys knew what love was exactly, and whilst they both had very little experience in that area and that of sex, Philippe was content that Jules had been his first. 

However, the ‘sort of’ juvenile relationship they had been in, full of fumbling hands, embarrassing moments and cuddling together more than anything else had set Philippe’s later relationships at a certain expectation. He soon found out that most people didn’t want to sleep with him for just him. They wanted the status, the power, to be able to brag about the fact that they had fucked the King’s brother; to gain access to Philippe’s continued flow of money and all the things fucking a prince could get you. 

Whether it was because Philippe hadn’t had much affection in his childhood or something else, he began to crave the attention of others more than ever. It made him feel almost whole, that people wanted him around and adored him. He was naïve to think that everyone had good motives towards him however, wanting to see the good in people but that quickly changed. 

Guiche was charming. He knew what to say, how to say it and was persistent in his endeavours. It was that charm that Philippe had first fallen for. The flirtatious smiles and touches, how he paraded the prince on his arm like he was the best thing on Earth. 

He was three years older than Philippe and ruled over him with an iron hand. Philippe, being seventeen, followed him around like a lost puppy pining for affection. But as he soon found out, Guiche’s real affection started to become few and far between. The man would get angry at him more often, would snap and not talk to him for days until Philippe had begged and apologised over and over again, not knowing what he had done wrong. He would get drunk, grab his arm too tightly or slap him across the face only to apologise the next day and say he wouldn’t do it again. But he did. He always did. 

Philippe took it all. He loved him so why wouldn’t he? He was obviously doing something wrong to make Guiche act like this and he wanted to make it right. Even when the older man forced himself upon him for the first time he knew he had deserved it. Philippe had been petty and had flirted with someone else and he’d gotten mad. It had been his own fault, he knew that. Even if it had made him be sick and cry for the rest of the night and hope there wasn’t too much damage that he’d have to tell someone. 

The violence and the manipulation grew to a point where Philippe was trapped in a relationship he was starting to have doubts about. His depression had manifested greatly and even his family and those around him had started to notice something was wrong. The pain was hard to deal with sometimes, spending days in bed crying and trying to tend to himself the best he could. But he kept it quiet, didn’t want anyone to know what was happening between them. They’d be ashamed of him that was for sure. That he found it hard to say no to Guiche, and even when he did he didn’t have the strength to put up a fight when he did it anyway. He had been put in situations that had terrified him, had been forced to pleasure others when his own had been neglected for so long. Even the slightest of touches and the loudness of someone’s voice would made him flinch away. 

This lasted longer than it should have done, (after at least two years of being told he was worthless, that he deserved all that was done to him and his only role in life was to be others’ pet) Philippe finally started to realise that he needed to get out of this relationship and fast. Guiche’s actions towards him had grown from behind closed doors and there had been several times he had humiliated and hurt him in public. Louis, it turned out, hated Guiche as much as he himself was starting too and it was his brother that told him he needed to get rid of him. Not because of any of the things he did to Philippe - Louis didn’t know about most of it - but because of the public affairs it was making him as King look bad. 

Philippe eventually, with much courage dismisses Guiche, the older man acting like he was done with him anyway. But even with him gone, the marks he had left on the Prince didn’t go away easily. 

Sex became an unhealthy coping mechanism. He felt worthless without it, that he didn’t have a purpose. Louis wasn’t letting him do anything important, he was still being treated as a child and the only way he could get attention was by acting out. He was lonely and began to search for ways to feel something, anything. The numb feeling had spread over him that some days all Philippe could do was lay there and feel nothing. He started to go to gay sex clubs, letting men use him as they wanted, powered through panic attacks when it got too much. He deserved to be punished this way, because it was the only thing he was good at. That’s what Guiche has drilled into him anyway. And it didn’t stop there. He’d be told he was good, as a compliment, but Philippe only took that as being the only thing. He wanted them to hurt him, to realise how much of a disappointment he was and to feel just something. The numbness and emptiness were getting too much to handle. 

It was Jules surprisingly who tried to pull him out of it. He had seen Philippe slip further and further into his depression and self deprecation that he was worried about him. So much so that he had informed Anne of the problem. His mother had also become worried about Philippe and had tried to get him help; some therapy and medication. 

Although it certainly helped, Philippe still had his moments where the need for sex to help him feel was too much, but he was getting better. He had told Louis what Guiche has done and perhaps it had been one of the moments his brother had been the most compassionate, but he had promised that he wouldn’t let the man anywhere near him again. That had helped, to know his brother seemed to care even a little bit. 

Philippe still had his lover’s but when he had joined service in the army, he had something he could focus on and spend his time and energy on. 

It seemed in no time at all but Philippe was soon engaged and then married to Henriette. He knew it was going to happen, his brother had talked about it enough and although he wasn’t happy to be married off, Philippe dealt with it to keep Louis content. It would be a while before he found out about his and Henriette’s affair but for now he was peacefully oblivious. 

Sex with Henriette was uncomfortable. Mainly because he found it hard to even get it up half the time. But he had expectations to uphold and he tried his hardest, though she didn’t make it any easier for him. Laying there and making him do most of the work. They didn’t do it often, only enough to keep up appearances that they might have a child. Things got even less when Henriette had the miscarriage, it being hard on both of them. He didn’t want to go through that pain again. 

And then everything changed. Philippe met Chevy one evening at a fundraising event and fell in love with him the first time he spoke. Things with Chevy were different from the start. Philippe trusted him unconditionally as soon as he met him. He was patient, he cared and he gave Philippe more pleasure then he could ever remember having. But it was the softness that really got to Philippe. The aftercare and how he held him when they’d had any kind of sex. How he stopped when Philippe hesitated about something and listened to him when he said no. The first time they made love, the prince had burst into tears because he had never felt such affection from someone before. Chevy was soft, and gentle and knew what he did and didn’t want. He finally found what it felt like to be loved and it was overwhelming. 

He praised him endlessly, to reassure Philippe that he’d done a good job, especially after rough sessions. He’d give him time to process, listen intently if he had any issues and kiss away any aches or pains. When Philippe had had his first panic attack during sex and had told him in not much detail what others had done, the blonde had vowed that he would always protect him and never hurt him like that. 

Philippe trusted his word more than he had ever trusted anyone else’s. 

There were times however, when the prince was feeling particularly low that the old thoughts started to creep back. Chevy had spent so long graining it into his mind that he deserved the best, that he was important and special that he felt guilty when these thoughts invaded his mind. On his bad days part of him would conclude that he deserved it if the other man hurt him. That he still deserved to be used by others. Philippe didn’t express this much to Chevy, knowing it only upset him that he thought like this. He knew it was fucked up, that he was fucked up and it was hard to convince himself otherwise. 

Philippe and sex had a complicated relationship because whilst he loved it, in his deepest darkest moments he would use it to hurt himself. But he had Chevy, who never abused his control, who soothed and listened and loved him for all he was worth. He made him feel like he had worth, that he was loved and adored by all those that mattered. That he was stronger than those who had hurt him in the past. 

That he wasn’t empty. He was whole.


End file.
